


Everyone was once a cringy dumbass as a teen and did some cringy shit in front of their crush

by Whatkindofusernameisnottaken



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Class 3-Z Ginpachi-sensei, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Related, Okishin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Past Lives, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whatkindofusernameisnottaken/pseuds/Whatkindofusernameisnottaken
Summary: Shimura Shinpachi has a crush on Okita Sougo.Shinpachi confesses, and Sougo is confused. Shinpachi skips class, and Sougo can't help but care.Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Okita Sougo/Shimura Shinpachi
Comments: 34
Kudos: 39





	1. I swear I'm not gay, ok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit, thought Sougo, I'm actually getting a love letter from this gay boy.

“Okita-san! I-... I like you!”

Despite his countless experiences of getting confessed, Okita Sougo did not know how to react to this one in particular, and he had his reasons. 

First, it was a boy. Sougo wasn't a homophobe. (He could swear on his sister that he wasn’t a bigot.) But never having a boy confess to him before, it was enough to make him startled. 

Second, the boy was handing him a letter- a white envelope decorated with pink heart stickers. PINK. HEART. STICKERS. With glitter on some. What kind of highschool boy would use them at that age? (Besides this boy in front of Sougo's eyes, of course.) 

Third, the boy who was handing him the love letter was Shimura Shinpachi, the only remaining brain cell of class 3-Z, who never tried to hide his sister complex and obsession for the female idol with purple hair singing vulgar songs, and one of the kids that just barely talked to Sougo. This was the number one reason that baffled Sougo. 

After a second of thought, Sougo came up with an explanation for this.

“So who dared you? Let me guess, China girl?”

“It's not a dare.” Shinpachi's brown eyes glistened behind his glasses as he stared into Sougo's eyes. The slight embarrassment he showed a few moments ago was nowhere to be seen except on his cheekbones, and at the moment Sougo sensed that Shinpachi was not joking at all, he started to feel a little bit uneasy. 

_ Shit,  _ thought Sougo, _ I'm actually getting a love letter from this gay boy. _

“Uh, Shimura? I'm... not sure if you're talking to the right person.”

“...”

Sougo desperately wanted the tension to loosen between them, but Shinpachi stayed silent. The determined look on Shinpachi's face slowly faded. Sougo released a tiny sigh, clenched his jaws, and waited for the boy with flushed cheeks to say something. 

“..sfi…” Finally, Shinpachi’s mouth formed an inaudible word. 

“What?” Sougo asked Shinpachi to repeat himself. Shinpachi shifted uncomfortably and slowly put his head down.

“...It’s fine.” The envelope crushed in Shinpachi’s hands as he murmured. Shinpachi completely scrunched up his letter and stuffed it into his trouser pocket. "Sorry for bothering you, Okita-san," said the boy as his eyes started to get watery. Baffled by the sudden change of attitude, Sougo blanked his eyes as a fool as he stared at Shinpachi walking away with quick footsteps.

_ What just happened? _ Sougo asked himself. There was no answer.

  
  
  
  
  


Sougo stood like a statue until the warning bell for class rang. His mind was still blank from the unexpected, uh, encounter with Shimura. Sougo walked all the way up the stairs and stood in front of his homeroom; the infamous class 3-Z. Definitely Shimura would be in class by now, Sougo thought as he sighed to himself. That kid never missed a class so far. And reluctantly, Sougo put his hand on the door-

“What makes you take so long, Souichiro-kun?”

A familiar, worn-out voice asked Sougo from behind.

Sougo replied with his usual comeback. “It’s Sougo, Ginpachi sensei.”

“Ah, whatever. Anyways, can you go in?" Ginpachi said as he scratched his silver hair. "Class was supposed to start two minutes ago but I can’t go in because some boy is blocking the way.”

“Don’t use your student as an excuse for your own tardiness, sensei. Plus, we still have about three minutes before 4th period.”

“Dammit, I’m actually early? For once? Is it going to rain today or what?” The man muttered to himself in surprise as Sougo opened the door. 

As he entered the class, Sougo skimmed the room for Shinpachi, but to his surprise, the boy with glasses was nowhere to be seen. It was weird because Shinpachi was always in class- no skipping, no nothing. By this time, he would have been sitting on his seat with his back straight and in front of Hijikata (who should jump off a cliff), who directly blocked Sougo's view. Sougo couldn't help wondering where the hell Shinpachi was, asking himself if it was because he rejected the poor four-eye’s confession.  _ Wait, _ Sougo paused. _ Why am I even thinking about that damegane in the first place? _

Sougo kicked Hijikata’s shin as he went to his desk. Hijikata yelped and Sougo ignored him. Just as usual. Yes, it is just an ordinary day at Gintama Highschool’s most problematic group, class 3-Z. Except for Shinpachi’s confession to Sougo. And his for his first absence this year. Lost in useless thoughts about Shinpachi’s whereabouts and questions to himself about why he even cared, Sougo laid his head upon his crossed arms on his desk and closed his eyes. 

Sougo was just about to go into a good nap when the bell rang. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. Ginpachi came into the room and greeted the class with the same amount of motivation as his usual self. He put his books on the podium, wrote the topic of the day with a white chalk and wobbly handwriting, sighed loudly, and turned around. After clearing his throat, Ginpachi started his lesson.

“Today we're supposed to learn about a poem written by this guy who ended up dying before he got famous. Honestly, what is the point of gaining fame and money after death? I say life is only valuable when one is alive. Even though your work becomes a bestseller, you wouldn't have the chance to buy parfait if it is after your death.” Ginpachi paused and let out a sigh. “Unironically, the theme of the poem I have to teach you brats about is the lasting value after death. Now open your books to page... to... to page…” Ginpachi yawned as he flipped through the pages. After a few seconds, Ginpachi scanned the class with furrowed brows. 

“Where is Shinpachi?” 

And the name of the boy that muddled Sougo's head was called out in a low, serious tone. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Welcome to the first chapter of Cringy Dumbass! (Yes I shortened it) English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes. I started to write because I was enraged after searching the internet for Okita Sougo/Shimura Shinpachi A.K.A. Okishin. Especially in English. It’s such a cute pairing, so I decided that I needed to contribute at least a breadcrumb to this starving nation. Aaannywayyys, please enjoy my work! Any kind of feedback is welcome❤


	2. Just because I was gay in my past life doesn't mean I have to be gay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sougo's mind is overflowing with some thoughts. Then he overhears some things...
> 
> "But he would care right? I mean, Okita-san from the past?”

“Where is Shinpachi?”

Ginpachi’s voice echoed around the silent classroom. 

“I haven't seen him since lunch break started,” Shimura Tae, Shinpachi’s one and only sister spoke up from the back. Sougo could hear the worry in the girl's voice. He took a glance at Tae, whose face was clouded with anxiety. "I thought Shin-chan would come back before class started, but..." Her voice started to quiver, and Sougo felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

_ It's not my fault that Shimura is skipping class. I didn't even reject him properly. He just ran off like some scared rabbit.  _ Sougo tried to convince himself that he didn’t need to care at all, but the throbbing in his chest only grew bigger.

“Didn't you have lunch with him?" Ginpachi asked, but the girl shook her head no. 

“I was with Shinpachi,” Kagura said. “He said he was going to the nurse’s office .”

“Then you should have said that right away.” Ginpachi scratched his head and turned to the textbook. “Okay, open up to page 158. Read the poem aloud when you get there Zura.”

“Zura janai! Katsura da!” quoted the boy with long, silky hair as he stood up dramatically. Katsura was about to start reading when Ginpachi stopped him.

“You know what Zura, sit back down. I don’t feel like teaching, so you brats can have study hall for today. So see y’all at the end of the day.” Dragging his feet, the lazy teacher excused himself from the class 3-Z.

Now the class seemed to be filled with empty silence _. Right, there isn’t anyone to say tsukkomi since “he” is not here. _ Sougo thought to himself. Sougo pulled on his red eye mask and laid back in his chair. Think of something irrelevant, think of something irrelevant, think of something irrelevant… Sougo chanted internally.

He thought of a black abyss filled with nothing but the void itself. The darkness flowed into a certain boy’s dark pair of eyes. He thought about the sun rising over the horizon. It reminded him of a particular person’s blushing face as they handed him an envelope. He changed his mind and thought about puppies running around the yard. Boom, the puppies were all wearing glasses.

No matter how hard he tried, Sougo couldn't stop thinking about Shinpachi. 

“Shit,” Sougo muttered softly. Sougo took off his eye mask, sat up, and gazed into the distance. He was pissed; pissed at his mind, which just had to connect everything to Shinpachi; pissed at Shinpachi, who just had to confess to him. Most of all, Sougo was pissed at himself- but he couldn’t pinpoint the reason why. 

Sougo stood up and walked to the door. 

“Oi Sougo, where do you think you’re going?” asked Hijikata, glaring at him.

“To the nurse. My head hurts.” Sougo said as he rested his hand on his forehead. It wasn’t a lie though; all this thinking gave him a migraine. Hijikata (who should die of mayonnaise overdose) scowled, but Sougo continued trodding like he didn’t care. He didn’t care in fact. 

  
  
  


Sougo walked through the door, down the stairs, and towards the nurse’s office. The closer his destination became, the faster his heart beat. Sougo couldn’t understand it. He is just going to get some advils or something. What made him feel so anxious?

Sougo was just about to put his fingers on the nurse’s door.

“...all in the past…”

Sougo froze at the sound. A voice familiar to Sougo was sobbing. Sougo strained his ears to hear better.

“It has nothing to do with me, like me right now, but I just can’t help it Gin-san!”

_ Me right now? Gin-san? What is he talking about? _ Sougo frowned as Shinpachi sniffled. 

“ I, I tried dropping hints, but he’d never respond and he’d never care. And I used the same way he used to confess to me back then, but he acted as if I was joking.”

Another familiar voice- which Sougo identified to be that of Ginpachi- spoke up.

“Are you sure that he meant it like that?"

“Yes! He even asked if I’m talking to the right person. Okita-san apparently doesn’t care about me. But he would care right? I mean, Okita-san from the past?”

Sougo's heart stopped beating.  _ What is this I'm hearing? _ Shinpachi did indeed mention “the past” not once but twice. Patiently, Sougo waited for Shinpachi to finish blowing his nose. 

“Well,” sighed Ginpachi, “I’m not sure about this. Not everybody is like you and me, remembering their past lives. And you can’t force him to remember, right? So if Souichiro-kun doesn’t remember, maybe the best way is to leave things as it is.”   
  
“But-”

“I’m not telling you to give up, Patsuan. Gin-san is not heartless like that. I just mean… Maybe try flirting or courting or something like that. Maybe a mating dance. Maybe then Souichiro-kun will start fancying you.”

Shinpachi did not reply. A few moments later, Sougo was startled by the sound of footsteps coming towards him. Without a second of thought, Sougo darted down the hall, into the boy’s washroom. 

Once he was in the safety of the locked bathroom stall, Sougo organized the confusing pieces of information he just gathered. 

Point one. Shinpachi and Sougo- and Ginpachi too- knew each other from the past life. A worn-out cliche, but not unheard of. But unlike his sister, Sougo wasn’t a believer in stuff like incarnation or afterlife. Until now, when Sougo is questioning the existence of his own past life. And maybe his sexuality too.

Anyways point two. Not only did Shinpachi and Sougo know each other, but they were something more than friends. And apparently, the confession that happened not so long ago was the same method Sougo from his past used on Shinpachi. How much of a dumbass did your past life-self have to be to confess like that? Sougo did not want to know.

And point three, Sougo still had to keep in mind the possibility that Ginpachi and Shinpachi (hey, it rhymes) were sharing some delusionary mental illness. Sougo’s heart was beating very hard at the idea of a shared past life with Shinpachi. This made him even more suspicious of the whole past life thingy. Everything related to it felt... wrong. Sougo’s brain refused to willingly take in everything to be true, starting from the part when Shinpachi said he liked Sougo. 

Sougo took in a big breath, and huffed it back out. For once, Sougo felt like going to class. He unlocked the stall’s door and rinsed his hands at the sink because he wasn’t taking any risks. Sougo was casually strolling out of the washroom. Then his eyes widened. Waiting for Sougo right outside of the washroom door was a boy, with dark brown hair, with black eyes, and glasses.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. Sorry. I apologize for taking forever to upload Cringy Dumbass. It's just the second chapter, but my life has been hectic and I've been breaking down. At the same time, CHAPTER TWO UPDATE! YAY! MORE OKISHIN BREADCRUMBS! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well! Thank you for reading❤


	3. All this gayness tires me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sougo officially rejects Shinpachi, sleeps, then forgets thinking about Shinpachi.
> 
> “So what, you want me to go out with you? Just because my past-life-self did, even though I don’t remember a single bit about it?”

“...Hi Okita-san. Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Thank you. Do you mind moving to the nurse’s office?”  
  


“No.”

Shinpachi turned around and started walking, and Sougo followed him, feeling his migraine worsen. Sougo and Shinpachi went through the already-open door and each sat on the edge of adjacent beds, facing each other. Sougo awkwardly stared at Shinpachi, whose face was lightly dusted in a shade of rose. Shinpachi squirmed uncomfortably at Sougo’s gaze. Shinpachi cleared his throat, swallowing very hard.

Finally, Shinpachi spoke up. “So I guess you heard.”  
  


“I guess,” replied Sougo.

“I…m not sure on how it needs to be explained, but-”

“We knew each other from our past lives and only you- and Ginpachi sensei- remember it?” Sougo suggested. 

Shinpachi nodded, and continued. “I know it sounds weird because you just curved me, ( _I didn’t curve you yet,_ Sougo remarked internally.) but we were... uhh... in this kind of relationship in our past, and things happened, and then we had to be separated from each other.”

“Woow, that’s soo helpful, Shimura.” Sougo said sarcastically. “So what, you want me to go out with you? Just because my past-life-self did, even though I don’t remember a single bit about it?” 

Sougo scoffed at Shinpachi. He hated the idea of being controlled by anything or anyone beside his sister Okita Mitsuba or Kondou Isao. Past-life Okita Sougo was not an exception. 

“No I, I just…” Shinpachi whimpered weakly. Sougo did feel a little guilty for being this mean to the boy, but he had to reject him surely. He didn’t want to give Shinpachi the slightest bit of false hope.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t plan on going out with anyone at the moment.” Sougo could see that Shinpachi shrunk in intimidation, but he did not stop his cruel words. “Including you, Shimura. Past life or no past life, I doubt that I will ever see you as a love interest in my current life.”

Shinpachi bit his trembling lower lip as if he was trying not to cry. But it was all in vain; glossy beads of tears rolled onto Shinpachi’s cheeks. Sougo felt burdened with guilt. Who wouldn’t when they made a single kid cry twice within less than an hour? Nevertheless, Sougo showed no signs of empathy. He rose to his feet and left behind Shinpachi in the nurse’s office, alone.

  
  
  
  


Shinpachi did not return to class. Sougo was finally free of Shinpachi’s thoughts after sleeping for the rest of the day. Kondou, being the worried dad friend he is, asked Sougo if he was really feeling okay many times over. Hijikata too seemed concerned even though he did not speak a word about it. 

The three walked back home like they always did. They reached the crosswalk, where Sougo’s route separates from Kondou and Hijikata’s direction. With a wide, cheery smile, Kondou asked Sougo if he wanted to go to the arcade.

“Not today, I’m still not feeling well,” Sougo replied.

“Oh, okay...” Kondou said, dejected. “Then see you on Monday!”

Sougo returned Kondou’s farewell with a weak smile.

“Don’t do something stupid,” Hijikata muttered at Sougo. 

Usually, Sougo would have retorted back at Hijikata. But today was not the day. He felt drained despite all that sleeping. Sougo waved his hand at Kondou and Hijikata, then crossed the street to go home. _At least there wasn’t baseball practice today,_ he told himself.

Sougo worked a little bit on his math homework and skimmed through social media as he waited for Mitsuba, who returned home around 5pm. Nothing was extraordinary that evening- dinner was spicy katsudon topped with tabasco sauce, if that was special. The Okita sibling chattered as they watched TV together.

“Right, Sou-chan!” Mitsuba happily exclaimed. “There is an adorable cafe with wonderful coffee I found today with my friends this morning, and I want to take you there tomorrow for lunch. Are you fine with that?”

“Yes, Aneue! I’d love to!” Sougo's eyes twinkled as they blinked innocently at Mitsuba.

“Are you sure? Hijikata-kun told me that you left him waiting for two hours the last time we went out shopping.” 

“No, not this time Aneue,” Sougo said as he shook his head left and right, internally grinding his teeth at the thought of Hijikata (who should really, REALLY die) talking with his beloved sister. 

“Really?” 

“I promise. Also, I apologized to Hijikata afterwards.” Sougo lied without blinking an eye. He knew how much Mitsuba is concerned about his unhealthy human relationships, and the least he wanted to do was to disappoint his one and only sister.

“That’s wonderful Sou-chan! You are being a good boy.” Mitsuba beamed, which Sougo returned with a cute smile. 

To be honest, Sougo felt slightly ashamed of the fake-yet-sincere attitude he showed to his sister. He only wanted Mitsuba to see the best in him in every way. He wanted to live up to Mitsuba’s expectation and be a “good boy” who was both smart and sweet. Though Sougo failed at the sweet part, obviously. 

Mitsuba gave the clock a quick glance. “Look at the time, it’s 10 already! Don’t you think you feel tired now?” 

“I do feel sleepy,” Sougo faked a yawn, and continued. “I better sleep now. Good night, Aneue.”

“Sleep tight Sou-chan.” Mitsuba’s comforting voice made Sougo smile softly. 

Sougo went into his room feeling nice and cozy; his shampooed hair just dried, he was wearing comfortable clothes without feeling hungry or too full, and just the right amount of drowsiness was in his system. Most important of all, his mind was completely free from Shinpachi. Sougo turned the lights off and climbed onto his bed. Releasing a long sigh, Sougo closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

  
  
  
  


The dream was wild. That’s all Sougo could say about the dream. It was weird and crazy- a whole blur of events that Sougo could barely remember by this point. But there were some flashes that left an impression. 

He was wearing this black blazer-thingy with gold linings and a matching vest, and even a piece of white fabric tied around his neck. Kondou and Hijikata were in his dream too, all wearing the same, restricting outfit. There were loud shouts from everywhere and an occasional explosion. Sougo was feeling dizzy, and his right shoulder was throbbing. Something was pierced into his left side. Sougo’s body flopped to the ground. Sougo was desperate to get back to his feet again, but there was not enough energy to breathe properly in him. He was feeling desperate- so desperate for something else that he couldn’t reach for. Feeling helpless, Sougo closed his eyes- just to wake up with wet eyelashes, clenching onto his left flank. 

“What, was…” Sougo huffed between heavy breaths.

His voice was cracking from just waking up. Slowly, Sougo put his elbows over his eyes because the sun was too bright today. 

He just woke up from a crappy dream on an overly sunny morning. Just that, no other reason. Really. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYBODY I AM BACKKKK So we're on chapter three now! I have been encouraged by all the comments you wrote(which I really love and appreciate❤). I re-read all your comments every now and then, roll around my bed as I punch my pillow because I am so happy, then try to write, except the writing part is not always successful...Thank you for reading my fic again! ❤


	4. Are flowers gay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Okita siblings go out. Some unexpected encounter happens.
> 
> “Statice. They mean remembrance, sympathy, and success.”

It was a wonderful morning in summer, and Mitsuba was smiling as bright as the sun. As he walked alongside Mitsuba towards the cafe, Sougo was still feeling disturbed from the dream. Fortunately his drama skills were polished well enough to hide his unsettled emotions. Sougo tried to listen attentively to Mitsuba, chirping in now and then to show that he was focusing, even though he had difficulties on it now and then. 

“This is the place,” Mitsuba proclaimed as she stopped between two clay flower pots, filled with yellow, purple, and white flowers that reminded Sougo of butterflies. 

Sougo looked at the cafe, which was bursting with all shades of flowers and plants both inside and out. It was aesthetically pleasing, but all this greenery was a bit overbearing for him.  _ Actually, this is more like a flower shop than a cafe, _ Sougo thought.

“What do you think, Sou-chan?” Mitsuba gave Sougo an anticipated gaze. 

Sougo looked up, down, left, and right of the cafe building, then turned to face his sister with a grin. “It's very pretty. I like how they decorated it with flowers,” Sougo said, remarking to himself that it might have been better if they didn’t over do it.

Mitsuba giggled at Sougo's reaction. “Right? The air is really good inside because of it. And the name of the cafe is cute too. Look,” she pointed a finger towards the entrance door. 

Sougo’s eyes followed, and read the wooden sign hung over the door. “Brown Rat Cafe,” he muttered, and Mitsuba grinned. 

Though he thought that “Brown Rat” was better-suiting on a greasy pub or bar rather than a overflowering cafe, Sougo hid the thought from his face with a smile. 

“Let’s go in, Sou-chan,” MItsuba said as she pushed the glass door with a brass shopkeeper’s bell.

“Yes aneue!” exclaimed Sougo as he trod after.

Unlike the outside, the interior of the cafe was not completely bombarded with flowers. The white and wooden furniture were neatly organized, except for the florid flora. Sougo noticed that half of the cafe was a flower shop, making the size of the cafe itself smaller than what is seen from outside.  _ But why would someone name some flower shop-cafe-place Brown Rat, out of every word possible?  _ The more Sougo saw, the more he wondered in disdain. 

Sougo followed Mitsuba as she sat at a table near the flower shop part of the cafe. He was about to ask Mitsuba if she wanted to go to the counter and order when a waitress with bright orange hair walked towards their table.

“Hello! Welcome to the Brown Rat Cafe!” She greeted them cheerfully. Mitsuba and Sougo returned her greeting. “Here is your menu,” she said, handing out a sheet of laminated paper to each of the siblings. Sougo spotted a red flower tucked in her uniform shirt’s pocket. 

“Thank you,” Mitsuba smiled politely.

Sougo repeated after his sister, and started reading the menu. Between rows and lines of drinks, meals, and desserts, a particular item caught his eyes. Tabasco coffee. Sougo blinked his eyes in disbelief. What the hell was tabasco coffee, what kind of person would put it on their menu, and what kind of person would buy it?

“Can I have a cup of tabasco coffee please?” ordered Mitsuba.

_...Besides aneue, I mean.  _ Sougo thought as he quickly decided on a fruit parfait. The waitress checked their orders and left for another table. 

“Isn’t it really cute?” asked Mitsuba a few moments after the waitress walked away.

“Huh? Oh, yes. Everything in here is cute,” Sougo removed his gaze from a withered plant nearby and replied, smiling.

“Yes, but I’m talking about the flower in her uniform.” Mitsuba giggled softly and continued. “Everyone who works here wears flowers.”

“Really? That's interesting,” replied Sougo. He didn't quite get how that was cute, but decided that it must be so since Mituba found it cute. 

“Here is your tabasco coffee and fruit parfait,” a calm, male spoke from Sougo's behind.

Sougo turned his head around, and froze when their eyes met.

“The tabasco coffee is mine, thank you,” Mitsuba sweetly replied.

“Then I guess the fruit parfait is yours,” the waiter said to Sougo without showing any signs of distress.

Sougo nodded his head, puzzled.  _ Why is _ **_he_ ** _ here? _ The waiter returned Sougo’s confused gaze with a few blinks, then a nervous smile. A brilliant thought crossed his mind. This was the best opportunity to make aneue think that he had more than two friends. It didn’t cost Sougo another thought before he put on an angelic smile.

“Hi Shinpachi-kun! I didn't know you worked here.”

“Oh, uh, hi Okita-san.”

Shinpachi’s eyes widened in surprise, and Sougo totally understood the reasons; it wasn't like he wanted to go all buddy-buddy with Shinpachi when yesterday happened. Yet it wasn't everyday Sougo could assure Mitsuba that his social life is fine. Sougo stood up from his chair with his back facing his sister. 

Sougo whispered urgently to Shinpachi, whose face was smothered with an uneasy look. “I know this is awkward for you, but can you please play along so that my sister stops worrying about me?” Sougo was worried that he might say no. Nonetheless, Shinpachi nodded his head. 

“Sure, I guess. But not for too long because it's only me and Pirako-san that's working at the moment,” said Shinpachi, shuffling his feet. 

“Thanks, I owe you Shimura.” Sougo quickly turned to Mitsuba and smiled widely at her. “Aneue, this is my friend Shinpachi-kun from school. Shinpachi-kun, my sister.”

“Hello Shinpachi-kun. Nice to meet you,” Mitsuba's eyes shone with excitement of Sougo introducing a friend from school.

“Hello, Okita-san. I have heard a lot about you from S-Sougo-kun.”

“Mitsuba-san is fine,” suggested Mitsuba in the sweetest voice.

“Then yes, Mitsuba-san,” Shinpachi replied, smiling politely. 

Sougo dragged a chair from a nearby table and placed it in between him and his sister. Shinpachi gave Sougo a questioned look. Sougo took a small gulp.

“Sit with us.” Shinpachi blinked for two seconds, and grinned.

“Thank you Sougo-kun.” The glassed boy obeyed Sougo’s simple command. Mitsuba took a sip of her drink with a curious look on her eyes.

“I really like your flowers. What kind of flower is yours?” Mitsuba asked with eyes fixed on the stem of blue blossoms.

“Oh this,” Shinpachi took the flower from his pocket and handed it to Mitsuba. “Statice. They mean remembrance, sympathy, and success.” Sougo's eyes flashed as Mitsuba examined the flower she just received. This kid better not be making moves on his sister. 

“Can I have a look too, Aneue?” Sougo asked- half out of protectivity and half out of interest. Mitsuba handed it with a hum. Sougo felt the dry stem. He strained his ears at the crispy sound as he ran a finger over the petals. 

"It’s dry," Sougo noted. Shinpachi nodded.

"Statices are popular as dried flowers. You can have it if you want." 

Sougo took a quick glance at Mitsuba, and accepted the stem of statice.

"Thank you, Shinpachi-kun." Sougo smiled; Shinpachi the same.

“Sure Sougo-kun.” Sougo kind of wished that he didn’t hear the kind affection in Shinpachi’s voice.  _ Also, why is Shimura calling me “Sougo-kun?” That’s cringy.  _ Sougo perfectly hid his thoughts away from Mitsuba.

Shinpachi reflexively stood up at the bell’s tinkling sound. 

“I need to go now, Mitsuba-san, Sougo-kun.” There was an apologetic look in Shinpachi’s eyes.

“Of course. We bothered your work enough.”

“No Mitsuba-san. You’re welcome to talk to me any time.” Shinpachi’s warm smile faltered as his eyes slowly met Sougo’s. “...See you on Monday, Sougo-kun.”

“See ya,” Sougo casually replied. He overheard Mitsuba whispering her thanks to Shinpachi- probably for being his friend or something.

He continued staring at Shinpachi moving the chair back in place and greeting the new customer. Sougo tore his eyes off the boy when he recognized what he was doing. Mitsuba’s interested look made his head drop towards the fruit parfait. The vanilla ice cream was melting, and pieces of fruit that were placed neatly over the cold mound were slightly out of place due to the erosion. Sougo took his spoon and scooped up some of the parfait. Despite looking imperfect, the parfait was delicious. 

“Sou-chan,” Mitsuba called Sougo. He looked up at her, who looked both relieved and happy. “I have to tell you how glad I am to meet your friend besides Kondou-kun and Hijikata-kun. I hope you two stay as good friends.”

Sougo did not know what- or how- to answer his sister’s sincerity. He forced a smile, pretending to chew a fruit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I overcame my writer's block (kind of) after the post from last week! (In case you didn't read it, here it is: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618631 ) I'm not sure of the quality of this chapter even though I proofread it many times over... But I do wish that it is at least as enjoyable as other chapters. Hope you liked chapter four!❤ Thank you for leaving comments by the way! I appreciate every pixel of it❤


	5. So... You say you’re not gay now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinpachi’s attitude changed over three days, and Sougo is more confused than ever. 
> 
> “You know Okita-san, you don't need to be conscious of me at all. I figured out that I actually never liked you. I think I confused you with another person, not that past lives really matter. So let’s act like nothing ever happened between you and me. Alright?”

Sougo tore his eye mask off, and sat up in his bed. He couldn't sleep. The clock on his phone read 5:26 AM, and the sky was getting brighter every minute. 

He had already given up on his fight with insomnia a long time ago (if not being able to sleep for one night counted as one). He had finished all his homework, and spent hours going through the internet. Sougo even did some workout, silently so that he didn't wake his sister. He threw his body on the bed for the hundredth time in vain trial of falling asleep. And yet, he was still restless. Sougo faintly knew the reason why, even though he tried to ignore it. 

Sougo felt a need to refresh himself. He left the bed and got dressed into a pair of jeans and T-shirt. He wrote a note on a sticky note that he was going for a walk in case Mitsuba woke up and got worried. He walked towards a nearby park, hoping that the walk did something good. 

There was no one in the park besides a park cleaner sweeping up dead leaves. Sougo strolled towards a specific camellia tree near the corner of the park. It was an ordinary tree- not too big or fancy compared to other trees- with little ripening fruits in the summer. But the bright red blossoms during colder months were something to look at and enjoy. Flowers or none, Sougo always enjoyed relaxing under its branches. Sougo considered it as a comfort place, as he would always sit under the tree whenever he passed by the park or when he needed a break outdoors. 

As he got closer, Sougo saw a figure sitting under the camellia tree. Sougo squinted even though he knew that it wouldn't drastically increase his eyesight. He was about five to six meters away from his target when he found out that he knew the invader.

“Shimura?”

“Who- Okita-san?”

_ The last person I wanted to see, _ Sougo thought as he wondered about his strange luck. He continued his walk towards the tree out of spite; Sougo’s ego did not allow him to back away. Shinpachi looked down at his laps and busily moved his hands.  _ What is he doing? S _ ougo wondered in annoyance; everything related to the boy caused him disturbance. When he got close to the tree, Sougo finally understood why Shinpachi was shaking his arms.

“Is this your cat?”

“No. Just a stray I know,” Shinpachi continued petting a bright-ginger cat that was rubbing their face on Shinpachi’s lap. 

“What is their name?” asked Sougo, who slowly reached his hand towards the cat. The cat sniffed it, mewed, and started to purr.

“I call her Justaway,” replied Shinpachi without taking his gaze off Just Away or Justaway or whatever the thing’s name was.

“Justaway... That’s a weird name.” Sougo touched Justaway’s forehead, who pressed back onto his fingers. Sougo sat down relatively near to Shinpachi. He didn't exactly like the kid, but there was no way Sougo was going to leave his tree (and a cat) without enjoying it.

“It’s a weird name. But it was another person’s idea, not mine.” Sougo could sense Shinpachi taking a glimpse at him, and ignored it.

“Do you come here often?” Sougo questioned as Justaway padded over and plopped next to Sougo.

“Uh, just sometimes, when I feel like I need a break.”

“I was asking Justaway.” Sougo deadpanned.

“Oh! Uh, sorry,” Shinpachi’s face burned in embarrassment. “But I can answer on her behalf as well. This park makes most of her territory, so you can see her quite often if you come here.”

Sougo hummed his response and focused on petting Justaway, who rolled back and showed off her soft belly. “She seems to love people,” Sougo commented as he gently patted the cat’s soft spot.

“Yeah, she is a sweet kitty if you’re the right one. She also loves most kinds of food too.”

Shinpachi stood up all of a sudden, and Sougo properly looked at Shinpachi’s face for the first time today. He observed that Shinpachi looked sick, which stirred up some concern (which was just barely enough to call it worrying) in Sougo.

“I- think I gotta go now, so uh, see you at school." Sougo hated how fake Shinpachi’s smile looked. 

A snigger escaped Sougo’s mouth. “Why, are you conscious of me?”

Shinpachi froze for a moment, then looked straight into Sougo’s eyes with an expression mixed with so many complicated emotions that no one could possibly interpret it.

“You know Okita-san, you don't need to be conscious of me at all. I figured out that I actually never liked you. I think I confused you with another person, not that past lives really matter. So let’s act like nothing ever happened between you and me. Alright?” Shinpachi snapped coldly, and walked away from Sougo.

Just before Shinpachi turned his back, Sougo noticed Shinpachi’s piercing brown gaze losing its shine, as if the boy had no emotion left to spare for Sougo. Sougo was baffled. He blinked like an idiot for a few seconds, then got back to his senses. Scratching his head, Sougo scoffed at Shinpachi’s confusing attitude, and went back to petting the soft furball.

Just like Shinpachi said, Justaway was a “sweet kitty.” It was hard to believe that this purring cat filled with love would ever be grumpy. Though playing with Justaway under the tree was relaxing, Sougo was feeling uneasy, again filled with thoughts about Shinpachi and the things he did related to Sougo between the course of three days; Friday, when he confessed that he likes Sougo and that they were lovers in their past lives; Saturday, when he pretended to be Sougo’s friend in front of Mitsuba; and today, when he said he didn't like Sougo anymore. 

“Such a weird kid, telling a person that you like them one day and decide you actually don’t after what, a span of two days,” Sougo muttered as Justaway playfully bit his fingers.

The speed of Shinpachi moving on bothered Sougo- quite a lot actually. He hated the kid’s speed of changing after finding out that he had no chance at all. Usually Sougo would have been entertained to see a person losing interest in him so quickly, but for some reason, he couldn’t feel the same with Shinpachi. 

Sougo could not understand what has been happening since last Friday, both externally and internally. He didn’t understand Shinpachi, but it was himself whom he couldn’t understand the most. It wasn’t like himself to start a conversation with a person he curved, or to introduce a person- that was hardly a friend- to his sister, or…

“It's all because of him,” Sougo sighed to himself.

_ It must be because he confessed to me, _ Sougo thought. Blaming someone always made his burden lighter, and Sougo hoped this would make him feel any lighter.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! HAPPY (late) HOLIDAYS! ❄🎄🎁 I was planning to update this chapter on Christmas day as a gift for all of you who put in time for my fic... But you see, things don't go as I planned. (A little tmi but finals were super stressful and I was forced to join a family trip.) At least I managed to update within this month!  
> I actually have the whole plot for Cringy Dumbass planned out in my head, but I can't rely on it too much like every other plans I make.  
> Today's end note is extra long, but my main points are same as always: I adore your comments and I hope you had fun reading this chapter❤


	6. I’m not sure about anything by this point of life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sougo is left in peace, but something feels off. The weird dream Souo had a day ago comes back, and it is more real and detailed than last time.
> 
> Okita Sougo was a murderer. To be precise, he was an experienced murderer who enjoyed killing.

Sougo concluded that Shinpachi was just some weird fellow that acted extra strange today who needed to be checked out by a psychiatrist, and that it was him who started to meddle with Sougo’s ability to think properly. Sougo supposed that it could be a very complex tactic of Shinpachi. An excellent manipulation of reverse psychology to imprint himself into Sougo’s memory.  _ If that’s true, then even more reason for me to dislike him, _ Sougo thought through gritted teeth. 

Sougo was feeling irritated, as if he was drinking lukewarm water on a humid day with something stuck in his guts. He knew that it was just his imagination of course, Sougo was not delusional like somebody he knew. 

Everything should have been relaxing to Sougo. The weather was breezy. The right amount of clouds were in the sky. The grass he was sitting on was cool and springy. The cat was cute and furry. Sougo moved closer into the shade when the sunray changed its angle. He leaned comfortably against the camellia tree, closed his eyes, and released a long sigh. He could hear birds chirping and leaves rustling in the soft-blowing wind. It was peaceful enough for Sougo to feel drowsy.

Sougo was an inch close to sleeping when Justaway meowed and prodded playfully at his left side to remind him of her existence. A stinging pain pulsated around the point the cat tapped, and Sougo could feel a sore on his right shoulder. The same places that hurt in the strange dream from yesterday.

A chill crept down his spine as an overused cliche crossed Sougo’s mind. _ Could that dream be somehow related to the past life Shinpachi has been talking about? _ Sougo frantically opened his eyes, and his body was petrified at the vision of thousands of colors painting over each other endlessly. His phantom pains slowly disappeared.

Suddenly, the scene of a bloody battlefield surged over Sougo. Men wearing uniforms of black, white, and gold who held either a sword or a bazooka were fighting other men in traditional Japanese garments that also used swords and bombs.

Sougo was among them. In fact, he was amongst the ones battling at the foremost. A bomb exploded in a building nearby, and pieces of debris went flying through the gloomy evening sky. Sougo’s shoulder was hurt from one of the bigger concrete shards. But the pain was bearable, just like other cuts and bruises he felt on his body at the moment.

There was no time for him to stay idle. Sougo fastened the grip on his sword and pounced on his next opponent. He saw his own face reflected on his enemy's sword that was dripping with blood- a dirty-blonde maniac was smiling with madness in his eyes.

Okita Sougo was a murderer. To be precise, he was an experienced murderer who enjoyed killing. Countless people fell under his sword. More and more adrenaline pumped into his system as the frenzied samurai advanced.

Sougo just finished up a small group of enemies when he heard something cutting through air. With excellent reflexes, he dodged a dagger thrown at him. But he couldn’t fully avoid the next knife, and which sliced past Sougo’s leg while he evaded the first. Sougo staggered, trying to regain his balance. His senses told him that he lost a lot of blood already, and should be careful not to lose more. He knew with his brains that it was better to pause briefly, but his killer instincts told him to do otherwise. Once more, Sougo was poised before his next victim and focused on the flow of the battle. 

His whole body felt like a burden. Sougo got more injuries here and there, leaving his body to lose more blood every second, and his head spinning from the excessive bleeding. Sougo had to admit that he was tired from all the fighting. 

Another bomb blew up, this time right next to Sougo. His body jolted in surprise as the ground shook. With a painful pop, everything went silent with the exception of an annoying ringing in his ears. Someone did not miss the chance of Sougo’s vulnerability and drove his sword deep into Sougo’s left flank. 

Sougo lost his balance, and fell to the ground. He had no strength left in him to move a single muscle. He gasped for breath as he lied helplessly on the ground. Sougo’s panicked thoughts raced over additional emotions; regret that he could have done better; disappointment that he let his guard down for the fatal, single moment; worry that he failed his commander and comrades; and fear for losing life this very moment, the middle of a fierce battle where every ally was crucial. 

Sougo weakly clenched his teeth as desperation for life washed over his whole body. His heart ached. Sougo wanted to live. He had to live. It was a promise- he couldn’t return alive as he promised to... the promise with…

“Shinpachi… kun…” Sougo managed to pant out each syllable, with painful effort.

He slid his trembling hands over the rough, dusty ground towards the sword which he dropped during the fall, and tried to grab it, knowing that the effort was futile. For the last time, Sougo took a few more unsuccessful attempts to push his body upwards. Fatigue took over his consciousness, and soon everything faded out into darkness. 

  
  


When Sougo finally recovered from the hallucination, the first thing that he felt was warm weight in his laps. He opened his eyes to see that Justaway was curled up into a tight ball over his thighs. He was in the camellia tree’s shade in the park, back to reality. Sougo gawked at the bright blue sky with a blank mind. 

The déjà vu shattered every assumption Sougo had made about his “past life with Shinpachi,” leaving Sougo in more chaos than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I got to finish this chapter way earlier than I expected (instead of sleeping lol), which is amazing. It feels really short to me, but apparently it's just about as long as chapter 1. Any form of feedback is welcome, and feel free to ask me questions! I'll answer them as long as it doesn't reveal too much. Hope you enjoyed this chapter❤


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